So here I am, sitting in the library, reading articles that I won’t be able to recall days from now, staring out at that typical study month weather, wishing to God June would just hurry up already.
A friend recently wrote a college paper on Mattel.Inc which got me thinking how much of a pretty sweet deal Barbie had going on back in the day.
Think about it. She didn’t have to work; had a closet full of pretty outfits; a beach-house; a mansion; Handsome Ken was all over her like a hot rash and she had a hot pink, open-top Jeep for crying out loud!
She had huge boobs, natural blond hair, a tiny waist, and did I mention the clothes?!
A recent tweet from @LifeOfABarbie says it all really...
Granted, she couldn’t bend her elbows or knees. Also, maybe her figure might not look so good in real life.
And then again, she did go through some "different" styles....
Black Canary Barbie
a.k.a. Dominatrix Barbie
....and was subject to several of our home "hairdressing experiments."
Nevertheless, she was a trooper - sticking by her best friend Midge through the pregnancy controversy,
Midge - The original teen mom
and younger sister Skipper, when her boobs grew in seconds by "spinning a dial embedded in her back."
Growing up Skipper -
WTF??
In the end, she's 50 years old and she still looks like this.
50th Anniversary Barbie
Girl must be doing something right!
So I say screw final year exams, I'm off to the beach!
So it’s nearly study month, which means 70% of study time will be dedicated to aimlessly searching through Facebook. Some brave souls opt for suspending their accounts with the hopes of erasing social networking from their lives for 2 whole months. I don't have that kind of self- discipline. And I’m not that delusional. Looks like Mark and I are in it for the long haul.
For those of you who’ll be accompanying me on the procrastination train that is Facebook, I’ve made a list of things that people do on FB that seriously annoy me. I’d appreciate it if any offenders could take note and adjust their behaviour accordingly – would make my"study" time far less irritating.
1.Don’t “like” your own status. Aside from a frape, you wrote it yourself so there’s a high probability that you already like the fact that you’re “Going to London tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!” You don’t have to reiterate it for us, it’s okay; your excessive use of exclamation marks gave us some indication already.
2.Facebook isn’t a diary. Everyone has that one friend who clogs up your news feed with overly personal details of their life (if you don’t, it’s probably you). It results in very awkward replys to the effect of “Hope you’re okay” or “I’m here if you need to talk?” or that one person who doesn't quite know how to respond and just “likes” it instead. Bad call.
3.“Bex Clune is at Bed” Really? Was this necessary? It’s like 11.30pm on a Monday night.
4."LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH!I'm the luckiest girl in the world!!These past 3 days have been the best ever, so happy your my boyfriend!!Love you 4EVA!" Now I don’t want to come across as some desperate, jealous singleton - I usually love nauseating, romantic gestures (See Youtube videos in previous post). But when someone’s writing posts to this effect EVERY SINGLE day (I’m not exaggerating, I’ve seen it) it just becomes cringey. Get a room - or a phone.
5.Using Facebook as Twitter. If you’re posting more than 6 statuses a day(and that’s seriously pushing it), follow this link and set up an account okay? https://twitter.com/signup Problem solved. Now you can tell anyone who wants to follow you that you're "Really tired today, FML"
Valentines’ Day Marriage proposals - Romantic or Tacky? With the infamous holiday approaching, many brands and stores are emphasizing how they can make popping the question more special with their rings/flowers/romantic venues etc.
But why waste your time and effort planning it all by yourself when you can get everything you need with an all-in-one proposal package at Pizza Hut?!
So, the fast-food chain have decided to offer customers a "Tie-the-Knot with a $10 dinner box” package complete with limo service, flowers, fireworks, a videographer, a ruby ring (what, no diamonds?!?) and of course, the all-important dinner box, apparently the “most vital and appetizing piece of the package.” Ten lucky people will be able to avail of this limited promotion for the very specific price of $10,010 (tax and tip not included...)
...Classy
"If we're able to fit pizza, breadsticks and dessert into one box for only $10, why stop there?" Pizza Hut Chief Marketing Officer Kurt Kane asked.
While I get everyone's ideas of romance are different, I can't help but question the idea of being proposed to over a greasy, pan pizza in a crowed pizza place with florescent lights shining down on a ruby ring that matches the marinara sauce you’re chowing down. While it's probably a good deal financially, would you really want to look back on your engagement and have bread sticks be a talking point?
I’d seriously feel sorry for the poor girl who is “lucky” enough to have the opportunity to tie the knot in a “Pizza Hut-themed wedding at Pizza Hut headquarters.”
I kid you not.
While I’d definitely draw the line at a Pizza- Hut themed proposal, I'm a sucker for the cheesy, public non-traditional ones....
Had a little too much fun last night and feel like you’re being brutally tortured?
Unless your one of those abnormal freaks who doesn’t get hangovers, your body is mercilessly punishing you. You’ll definitely need some reinforcements to help reduce the severe, dehydration, cutting blindness and throbbing pain from the knife that’s stabbing your head.
Some say the best cure for a hangover is to avoid drinking. But it's RAG Week people, not an option.
This year we’re "responsible" Final Year students and may even have to venture into lectures during RAG Week (the horror, I know.) As I’ve been preparing for the week ahead, I can’t help thinking how I’m going to try and resemble a human being for my 9am lectures.
Here’s a checklist to avoid looking like Zach Galifianakis for the next week.
1.Water…and lots of it – Winner of all hangover cures. No matter how much you think you’ve drank, always drink more.
2.Shower – Seriously, not one to skip. Think of the person who has to sit next to you for that double lecture.
3.Make – up – Requires effort but unfortunately needs to be applied. FYI, this is just for the girls – a face full of makeup on a guy might not be the best idea if you’re trying to tone down the hangover.
4.Denial – Try convincing yourself you’re not about to die. Reassure everyone you meet that you “Feel fantastic – no hangover!” Never know, might work.
5.Find some friends – Suffering in groups usually eases the dreaded “fear.”
Ta – da!! Sure, you couldn’t exactly run a marathon or anything but at least you’re able to function in society.
One hangover down, 5 more to go!
Mission accomplished – time to head over to the New Bar to get an early start on tonight’s plan.
We’ve all had them – embarrassing moments where you just want to shrivel up and die. Times where you feel the entire world is looking at you, judging your stupidity as you’re hopelessly wising that timetravel was a option. Let’s just say if awkward moments were a country I would be their queen.
As a means of overcoming these events I'm going to share them with you. As awful as they were, might as well get a blog post out of them right? Feel free to join me and share any moments of utter shame you’ve had over the past year.
Obviously my year included a series of embarrassing falls (see below - never gets old) and very very blonde moments, but here are a few embarrassments that I definitely wasn’t expecting.
1. Comic Con 2011, NYC (Don’t ask, it was a Groupon deal) So, you know that feeling when you’ve been out the night before; you’ve woken up too early, but aren’t tired? You’re not really still drunk but would definitely fail a breathalyser test? No amount of perfume will mask the alcohol seeping through your pores?
Well imagine being in that state, in a room filled with people dressed as Stars Wars characters arguing over who would win in a fight, batman or superman. Odd situation to say the least.
My friends and I were in line to meet Tom Felton who plays Draco Malfoy in Harry Potter. We were discussing what we would say to him when we got to the desk.
My options were “Em, really liked the movies…", "Is your hair colour natural or do you bleach?" and "So you’re like, super rich right…?" Basically, we were at a loss. As we approached him, my friend Cormac, whose sole mission is life, clearly, is to embarrass me, chimes in with “This girl is drunk.”
Let’s just say Draco Malfoy, with a look of shock and disapproval on his surprisingly handsome face, asking, "Are you intoxicated...?" is not my proudest moment.
Who's this girl?!
2. My roommate Jen and I went to visit the Irish famine memorial one evening, more out of obligation than interest. Naturally, we wanted to take a picture to show where we had visited but there was no plaque or statue to stand beside. We decided to do a typical “Irish” pose as a substitute, deciding that an Irish jig would be most appropriate. You know the pose, basically the one the every cartoon leprechaun is attempting.
Just as we realised that this was a memorial commemorating the millions who died in the famine and we were kind of being insensitive, a crowd of tourists comes around the corner, catching us mid-pose.
Not the most patriotic thing I have ever done.
3. This one isn’t really embarrassing for me but just a cringe-worthy experience all round.
I’m not sure what we were expecting when we went to visit the Sex Museum but what we found was the definition of weird. I won’t go into details but the visitors comprised of a lot of creepy old men (alone) and a disturbing amount of families (why, god why?!).
I just wanted to remove myself from that room as fast as possible.
4. Apparently my American college hired the building out to production companies in the summer to film TV shows, commercials etc.
They were filming a show, “White Collar” one day when I was going to the gym. Naturally, I didn’t take notice of the various signs around the building informing students of the filming schedules. I opened a door and found myself standing smack bang in between the two main actors as they were mid-scene. The frustration in the voice of the director when he yelled “Cut!” was apparent as everyone in the room glared at me.
Matt Bomer -
Didn't have a chance
to appreciate his hotness
I managed to make out some sort of an apology before cringing my way out of there.
5. For those of you that have ever lost their iPod, it’s really annoying right? You’re pretty pissed off and angry.
However, when my iPod came to an untimely death on the NYC subway tracks, I wish to god that was my reaction. I reacted as if I had lost my first born. I started sobbing uncontrollably on a train filled with people. Don't even ask why because I have no idea. Very awkward.
A few tried to console me, asking if I was okay. I think when I mentioned something about an iPod they just gave me a weird looked and edged away.
With the amount of “unusual” and “eccentric” people in New York, looking like the crazy girl on a subway train is definitely an achievement.
6. A similar experience happened to me on the bus back from a weekend trip to Ocean City, Maryland with Jen. About an hour into the journey I started feeling really really sick. An hour later I thought I was going to die.
It must have been a bug or something but it felt like I was getting continuously stabbed all over my body. Along with the ungodly smell that surrounded our Greyhound bus and the 5 hours of travel we had ahead of us, I spent my time crying, trying to suppress my nausea and debating whether I would ask the bus driver to pull over so I could throw myself in front of one of the speeding cars on the motorway. Not dramatic at all.
When we arrived to Manhattan let’s just say I looked a little worse for wear. Sweat dripping from my ghost-like face, I stumbled towards my luggage as my fellow travellers looked on suspiciously. As Jen so eloquently put it “You looked like a crack- whore looking for a fix.”
7. Before this year, I would have considered any wave above my shoulder enormous, proud of my ability and strength to survive such a massive tidal wave. Oh how naïve I was.
Standing in the sea in OC, staring at the wave coming towards me, I started to get nervous. It was easily two times my height and fast approaching. I began retreating to shore but I was too late.
Next thing I know I’m being flung around underwater like a rag doll and I vaguely remember hitting something. As my legs finally recovered and were able to function again, I noticed a 5 year old lying next to me, crying.
So apparently I had cannonballed into the child and took him down with me. His parents rushed to his aid, as onlookers did little to hide their disapproval and disgust. I mean, jeez, it wasn’t my fault like?! Relax.
To top it all off though, as I walked away I noticed the force of the wave had “readjusted” my bikini top too. Fab.
8. I was mistaken for a stripper in a Las Vegas club(sitting down at a table I might add!) - not cool. Not cool at all.
For those of you that know me, this may come as a surprise to you….
My tan isn’t real.
Shocking I know.
In fact, Sally Hansen is slowly bankrupting me.
2.The willpower to stick to a healthy lifestyle.
I can never seem to last.
I’m not totally unhealthy - yet by day 3, my sweet tooth screws me over and I could end up polishing off an entire chocolate cake à la Bruce Bogtrotter from Matilda.
